You know when people say that 'nothing lasts forever', you should probably believe them and stop dreaming, hoping. Hoping that may be, just once in billion chance, they are wrong. Just this once.
Not school, not friends, not feelings, not love, not people - nothing, nothing at all, is forever.
People change - new priorities, new people to interact with, egos, my problem is bigger than yours, misunderstandings, fights, fuck ups, things you shouldn't have said, things you shouldn't have done, blah, blah, blah. It's all true. It's the norm - you just cannot hold on to one thing for all your life.Even if you so dearly want to, you probably can't.
2012 is coming to an end.
Last year, I could have sworn that life was perfect. There was nothing more that I could ask for - getting out of home, living on my own, have people who loved and cared for me to death. I felt blessed all the time. Half of 2012 wasn't all bad as well. But the later half, well, frankly put - I haven't been through that kinda pain in a very, very long time. Trust me, dying is easier than living with that kinda emptiness in your heart. I wasn't this upset even when I had to drop out an year, sit back and listen to all the taunts that came through my way, and still do.
You know, it kinda breaks you up when the one only constant good thing in your life decides to go away and you can't do much to stop it. You try so hard everyday to bring it back, but instead you just keep pushing it away. Far, far away.
I just wish, these memories .. I wish I could just lock them away somewhere unknown and swallow the key. Never look back into them. Just let the happy ones stay. So that it isn't so bad, this whole moving on business.
It's funny, when everybody keeps telling you to move on and nobody gives any inclination or warning of how hard it is going to be. May be, they simply never had to. The strength to do it can drain you out. Completely. Every time you try to, this li'l mocking voice inside your head tells you how weak you are, to let it all go, so easily. And the other, kinder one tells you that you've had too much, that it's time to let it go.
You know, it's kinda messy, this whole array of emotions, drama, love, feelings, attachment, care. We spend your whole life, trying to figure it out. But we can't.
May be, we're not supposed to. Let the things be, the way they are.
Just, may be.
5 comments:
Hang in there. One day at a time. There is no other way. C'est la vie.
Oh and very aptly put. If it's any help, you're not alone.
2009 was the sucky year for me. I know what it feels like to feel.. nothing. Because your heart is so empty and your spirit is so tired, you just want to crawl under a rock and stay there. For a long time. I also know now, that if I survived that, I will pretty much survive everything else. And that thought has such a liberating feeling to it. Until then, hang in there.
Even the darkest night has a sunrise.....Hold on! It will get better.
Shiromi, Hanging in, one day at a time. :)
Anita, :) I'm glad that it's over for you.
Kshipra, Looks like I'm stuck in a long night. :P
I'm not sure why I'm stalking your blog after so long (:P), but I get this. I totally do.
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