I think I should start by stating that I've started to finally find solace in the fact that no one would probably read this blog till I tell them to. I feel like I really needed to admit that to myself because I've always been a rather anxious person and do constantly worry about what people who're close to me think about what I have to say and how I react to things. I constantly revisit conversations and situations and analyze what I said and did - and if given a chance, how would I had done it differently?
So after the epic trip of Goa last year, the huge chunk of my heart that had deeply fallen in love with that place, craved to go back. And hence impromptu plans over office lunch were made - and it required meticulous planning and commitment to make it a reality. Like all plans made over office lunches - I did not really expect this one to follow through. But it somehow did. It fell into place like broken/mismatched pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that came together against all odds to frame a perfect picture.
I should probably not compare the two, but if I had to, I would say that the way that I experienced Goa this time was a complete opposite of how I experienced it the last time - I'm not just talking about it being solo vs friends trip - I'm talking about it being a well-planned, relaxed, living in the moment (I completely switched off the outer world) kind of trip, with afterglow of a special mind-altering drug - fondly known as Molly.
Like all things new, I was a bit apprehensive and scared about trying it out - especially after reading all kinds of articles on the inter-webs. I was not quite sure of what all I might say or do under the influence of the drug or am I at that level where I'm comfortable enough to act that way in the company that I would be co-sharing the experience with? It was to be a company of three - me, the only person in my life that I've felt the closest to (but there have been complicated ups and downs) and one of my girlfriends from my girl gang at college (who I had hung out with the least while I was still in college - the equation has obviously changed since then). It required a lot of calming down and a leap of faith in these two people to actually go through with it - and I think I can safely say that it was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.
After reaching Goa in a sleepless bus journey around 11'o clock in the morning, we headed straight out to a quaint guest house/resort in Anjuna on the bikes that we rented from the city area (Panjim). Like most of the routes that span throughout the state of Goa, this route too had a surreal, raw and authentic beauty attached to it. We drove through narrow roads surrounded by surplus greens, mini hills, countless churches and bridges crossing over the rivers and backwaters.
After getting to our allotted rooms, we crashed and burnt to get ready and step out to score our beloved Molly; have an exceptional sea food thali at Starlight (the one that I couldn't get my hands on the last time I visited Goa) and catch up on some of the last night's lost sleep. We planned to start rolling around 6:30PM and just as we're close to approaching the time - the most unimaginable thing happens - the power goes off!
This is followed by a lot of disgruntlement, staring at the stars/planets on a clear night out our balconies and through the palm trees, mapping and identifying them via Skymaps, overusing/abusing of a USB fan connected to the power bank to beat the heat and just generally anxiously waiting for the electricity to return. After a few hiccups, the power finally stabilized around 8:30 PM, and we took a deep breath and started preparing a concoction of Maaza and the magic crystals - stirring it to a perfection where all molecules are dissolved in the drink and then carefully divided into three glasses. This was the point of no-return and deep-hearted commitment to all the chemical reactions that your brain is going to experience. It felt like it took forever for it to kick-in for me, while the other two started feeling the affects much sooner.
As it gradually took over, I could feel all the physical pain evaporating from my body and felt so light that it could probably fly/float. As the feeling sinks further in, there's an irrepressible urge to shower all the love that you have within you onto the people that are there with you in the room. A lot of stories, secrets, confessions, insights, and compliments are exchanged. 5-6 hours of uninterrupted talking, listening to music and random bursts of energy that make you want to just get up and start dancing!
Imagine it like the magical pill that cleanses your soul of everything that's pulling you down - your worries, your inhibitions, your fears, your worst nightmares, the things you don't have courage to speak of - and sets you free. You feel like all your problems are melting away and are light enough to walk on the clouds, and could probably fly if the gravity wasn't there to keep you in place. The words flow freely, and you wonder where was all this courage hidden inside you to let it all out.
Though we barely slept, the morning after felt like it was the most fulfilling sleep that I've ever had in my life. I don't think I will ever be able to bring justice to this experience through words. This feeling demands to be felt. The contentment, the being comfortable with yourself, the happiest you've ever been - and the feeling that this is how your 'forever' should probably look like. I could find happiness in the littlest of things - be it the comforting silence of yesterday's afterglow amongst the three of us, the quiet cafe where we ate our breakfast, the food there, the simplicity of it, the human connection, the ripples on the water that appear when you are walking by on the sea waves, the glimmering frothy crash of water as it comes and goes - everything felt like it had a bit more beauty to it, a bit more glow.
I think even if I had died that day, I would've had no regrets - since I did not, I will continue writing my experience about it.
Until the next part,
Peace and Love,
Ananya
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