Focus on Surviving

It's the first day on April 2020 - and if you're living breathing human being on this planet, you know things are crazy right now. Crazier than usual, crazier than they've ever been in our collective Millennial lifetimes.

To put things in perspective for my own self, I've been trying to reflect back on the roller coaster of a life I've had in the past 2 years. (since the last time I felt the need to jot down my thoughts)

April 2019 was hectic and crazy. I was working 20 hours a day - I had a full-time job and I was working on my 15k word thesis. Researching and building hypothesis and developing conclusions while settling for a job that would at least pay the bills. It drove my anxiety through the roof. I was so mad at my life, at myself for not pushing harder to find and pursue my dream job. I was scared out of my mind that I will not be able to complete my thesis or do a good enough job to pass. I thought I had just wasted (more like taken all that money and burnt it) a colossal amount of money and time on this Masters - all because of my procrastinating behaviour. Something that could be so easily avoided. But there was a fire inside me to prove myself wrong and committed myself to surviving, one day at a time. And I did it. I passed with flying colours, and graduated with distinction. Self-doubt can destroy your soul - I'm just glad I didn't give up.

Cut to April 2020. There is a pandemic on loose. I can't even begin to explain how crazy and hectic it is right now. I am constantly worried if me, my friends and my family will live or die. But all I want to do right now is focus on surviving the day. Connect with family and friends, and try to stay positive. I don't know if staying hopeful and ignoring the sheer sense of the worldwide stress and anxiety is a smart move or not. But I don't know what else to do. I'm so so tired of being anxious all the time. I'm tired of reading the news and articles and obsessing over how politicians are still focused on pushing agendas - like human life and suffering has no value. It is beyond emotionally taxing. It drains my energy. It makes me lose my appetite and sleep and doesn't even allow me to focus on my work. So, I've decided to survive. Like all things, it will come to an end. One day or another. I don't know if it will leave world a better place to live in, or worse.

From now on, I want to concentrate all my energy on things I can control. Yes, there will be days when things get out of control and I will fall right back into the pits of despair - until then, let's just try and focus on the now. On the things you can control. Learn, cook, listen to music, work, watch stuff, read, relax, slow down. Nurture yourself.

Until next time.
Peace and love