Leaving on a jetplane

"So kiss me and smile for me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

Hold me like you'll never let me go

'cause I'm leaving on a jetplane

Don't know when I'll be back again.

Oh babe, I hate to go."

(Leaving on a Jetplane - John Denver)

Ermm, I'm fascinated with that song at the moment just because of its emotional content. (Leave of out the lover part of it, I imply it to my life in this context :P)

I am really startled that I'm actually in the final year of my school education. I don't feel elated to have grown up so much! -_- this sucks so much. My life has changed me so much. I don't know whether its good or bad, but at this point of time I wish I had an ordinary, simple life like most of my friends I grew up with. I wish I didn't have to shift to another city during my secondary school or after completing 10th. I envy each and every person who had the benefit of completing all their years in the same school. I want it! I so badly want it.

I shifted to Pune in starting of 8th. It was bad. I think I took too much time to adjust. 'cause when I started adjusting, my classmates had formed their impression about me, which was not a good thing. 9th and 10th were still better (thanks to the school - they shuffled classes each year). I somehow don't regret it. I don't regret that I have only a very few people as 'friends' in that school. Whenever I miss Pune, its 'cause the place was nice. Attitude of the crowd there was open-minded when compared to my current location (Hyderabad). While in Pune, I got hooked on to the internet in a bad way. When I mean bad, I seriously mean BAD! Imagine being online during board exams and being online till 5 in the morning. (So much for the addiction!) I don't regret this part so much, (I do regret it a little) 'cause I was getting the care and attention I needed. But virtual world is not a very good substitute for the real world. I know this, but I'm still addicted like crazy. (Addiction of any kind is injurious to health :P) Though I've reduced my use of internet considerably, I go desperate when I'm deprived of it. Errrr, ok leave this bit, I'm just gonna end up sounding lame.

When we shifted from Pune to Hyderabad, I was kind of happy 'cause I could leave all those bad memories behind and start afresh. I found the change quite good too. But the education system and the society disgusted the hell outta me! AP board is freakishly sick, and so is the thought process of the educational systems. There are some schools here which start giving IIT coaching from 6th std, I mean WTF! The kid is pushed into that pressure from the start, when he/she is not even grown up enough to decide what they have to do. My college, is sickeningly bad as well. (I mean classes on Sundays?! What are they trying to prove?) And my college is 'supposedly' the most lenient and easy-going one. I wonder what the other commercial colleges do to torture their students. I'm lucky that at least the subjects I've taken up(science non-med) have nothing to do with my career later on. I just can't wait to get outta here.

About the society part of it. I plain simple words - its backward. See, a boy and girl can have no other relationship other than 'love' according to the majority here. I searched and searched, but I couldn't find even one decent junior college that was co-ed. The ones which are co-ed are sick. I've heard they're seated separately in the same classrooms. That they are not supposed to look at each other (not even glance by mistake) forget about talking to each other. If they do so and the lecturer catches them, they are called outside and interrogated about what's 'happening' between them. Its sick, seriously sick. C'mon, there's no point in being so typical like in villages. They are so so narrow-minded.

Both of these things freak me out, and makes me wish I was somewhere else.

Whenever my dad used go to Delhi for his office work (in the starting days of being in Pune), he used to ask me what I wanted from there. Each time I asked for the same thing - bring me my friends and my school, I don't want anything else. Though all these experiences have their own worth, I wouldn't have minded even a bit if I were still living my cosy lil' life in Delhi, unaware of the wide wide world and its people.

These are the last few months in home. After 12th I'd be mostly in hostel. I'm excited and happy that I am going to leave home and stay on my own, away from the fuss. But still, the child in me is not ready to let go of this protection. Like something's aching deep inside.